


better than he deserves

by calicomoon



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), House Naberrie, Kylo is a soft lovesick puppy, Planet Naboo (Star Wars), Rey is a stubborn desert rat, Varykino, and Hux is pretty much done, and the queens of Naboo are straight up QUEENS do you hear me, because every self-respecting reylo shipper needs the force bond in their life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 14:25:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13789617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calicomoon/pseuds/calicomoon
Summary: “You’re not on Coruscant.”It isn’t a question. Kylo, therefore, sees no reason to respond.“Where are you, Kylo?”He sips at his caf again, ignoring the odd pang of hurt he feels at her using his chosen name again. “Somewhere far more romantic,” he purrs, pride welling up in place of the hurt as Rey’s mouth twitches.





	better than he deserves

**Author's Note:**

> because it's winter and I am tired of not being in the Adirondacks

The first time he makes the journey to Naboo, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren takes only a small crew for his unassuming transport shuttle, and far fewer TIE escorts than the Supreme Leader of the entire galaxy should have to protect him, as General Hux had been sure to point out in their last meeting. The Naboo monarchy had allowed their planet to be annexed by the First Order rather quietly, however, and Kylo has no desire to show up at the palace looking for all the world like a conqueror ready to destroy them. At any rate, the lone heap of scrap metal ferrying the Resistance through the galaxy hasn’t been seen in weeks.

The last Jedi, on the other hand, _has_ been seen, many times, but Kylo doesn’t think it necessary to divulge that information. She’s only a threat to his sanity.

When Kylo enters the throne room, he’s glad he brought so few escorts, as it seems the Naboo have opted to extend the same trust to him. There are only a handful of advisors scattered before the queen, only the two stationary guards at the door and the two on either side of the tall window at the back of the room. Seated at the center of the throne room behind a great, half-moon table is a tiny figure, no older than twelve, bedecked in high-necked robes of shimmering purple. Her midnight black hair is piled into intricate braids atop her head, jewels and silver woven throughout and dripping down to her shoulders. Stark against the painted white of her face are two red circles on her cheeks, and the scar of remembrance that bleeds down her bottom lip. Despite her regal appearance, her frame is dwarfed by the rounded throne.

“Queen Belusari,” Kylo drawls, bowing slightly.

The queen inclines her head, dark eyes not leaving his. “Supreme Leader. How may Naboo be of service to you?”

“I have come to claim my family’s estate. Varykino.”

Queen Belusari’s eyes are still fixed on him as she tilts her head. It’s unnerving, such a scrutinizing gaze from such a small child; between his height and his attire alone, not even counting his reputation and status, he’s so used to children fearing him. Kylo wants to look away, but somewhere deep in his memory, Leia Organa advises, _Look people in the eyes when you talk to them, love,_ and Kylo wonders if this tiny queen’s insistence on staring him down is any indication that this same advice was beaten into her, too.

Before he has an opportunity to pity her, the older male advisor beside her whispers conspiratorially into Queen Belusari’s ear. Kylo clenches his fists. “Is there a problem?”

The man flinches at his tone. “Forgive me, Supreme Leader, but to our knowledge, House Naberrie is no more. Senator Pooja Naberrie was the last of the line, killed in…” The man falters, carefully considering his next words. “The…elimination of the Hosnian…”

But the little queen raises her hand to silence her advisor, an escape the advisor seems all too eager to take. Slowly, Queen Belusari gestures with that same dark hand for Kylo to come forward. As he approaches, Kylo can feel the gentlest of disturbances in the Force, and he knows immediately that it’s the queen as she, too, rises and makes her way around the table. She reaches for Kylo’s face; he has to kneel for her to get a good look at him.

“You don’t look much like them,” she murmurs. As her hand finally reaches his cheek, he can feel her softly calling to the Force for guidance, no more than a whisper. So barely Force-touched that he’s not even sure if she realizes what she’s doing. Her gaze drops to his lips before giving him a sad smile. “And yet, the Naberrie mouth.” Queen Belusari lowers her hand. “Who are you, Supreme Leader?”

Kylo rises to his feet. “My birth name is Ben Solo.”

An odd, breathy sound rushes through the throne room, almost as if its inhabitants only just caught themselves to keep from gasping. The little queen furrows her painted brow. “General Leia Organa’s…”

“Anakin Skywalker’s grandson,” he corrects, polite but firm. “Padmé Amidala was my grandmother.”

“And Varykino…is all you request?”

“I’ve no need for any more palaces,” Kylo assures her. “Only the place my family once called home.”

To her credit, the queen keeps her true reaction to herself, arranging her youthful features into a careful, practiced calm. He feels a slight twang of embarrassment that a child queen could compose herself so much better than he. “The family of the beloved Queen Amidala is always welcome on Naboo.” She turns back to the advisor she’d silenced. “See the Supreme Leader to Varykino at once.”

The ghost of his grandmother settles into her throne, young and regal and, for half a moment before stamping it down, scared. He knows himself better after meeting her.

*

Though Coruscant is the official capital planet of the First Order, Kylo can’t find it in him to spend much time there. Too many people, he reasons, too much noise. He’d always been quiet, easily drained by conversation and the presence of others; an ever-growing part of him wonders why he’d wanted to be Supreme Leader at all. As a result, Kylo finds time to retreat to Naboo whenever he can.

He’s careful to think of them as retreats. The Supreme Leader of the galaxy does not flee from his responsibilities like a frightened child.

Varykino is a retreat fit for the Supreme Leader, though, that much is certain. Surrounded by greenery and protected by the high mountains all around, Varykino is as stunning as Kylo imagined it would be.  He spends most of his time on the balcony, resting his hands on the cool, smooth stone and just listening to the lake. It quiets him, everything inside. When he’s not on the water, he’s watching it, half-wishing it were an ocean.

That’s the other thing about Coruscant; there’s hardly a drop of water to be found on the place. Kylo is _born_ for the water. He grew up in it on Chandrila, the oceans surrounding Hanna City only ever a few paces away.

_"You got it, kiddo," Han had said, as Ben came up from his first foray under the waves gasping for air and grinning wildly, "now dive down and find your old man some treasure, huh?"_

Today, he rows out on the lake and he thinks of his grandmother and wonders if she’d loved the water, too. Padmé, who died so young and beautiful and fierce. He doesn't believe the stories about her death; Kylo is born of legends, and Queen Padmé Amidala is a legend if ever there was one. A woman like her does not simply lose the will to live, and he suspects that if that’s truly how she’d died, then it had to be from something all consuming, something that drowned her. Her will must have been _torn_ from her.

 _By the dark side_ , supplies a helpful, familiar voice, and Kylo doesn't even have to look up to know who has materialized across from him in the rowboat.

 _By a man who couldn't yet command the dark side_ , he replies. They rarely speak aloud across the bond anymore; the both of them have so many reasons to keep the bond hidden.

 _You admit that Vader was flawed?_ She tilts her head, scanning his features for an opening, ready to pounce.

 _Of course he was_ , he says ruefully. _He was a man_.

She snorts. _On that we can agree_.

Kylo lets himself smirk. _I don’t believe you’ve interpreted what I’ve said correctly._

_I think I did, actually._

He rows in silence for a while, feeling her eyes on him. _I have overcome his flaws. I have succeeded where he failed. The galaxy is already beginning to thank the First Order for what we’ve brought it. There is peace now, a far more stable empire._

 _All that talk of the power of the dark side_ , she murmurs, and then: _Your goals are so much more noble than mine now that he’s gone._

He’s not sure if she means Snoke or Luke. _And what dark goals could a lightsider like you possibly have?_

She blinks. _To destroy you._

She says it so bluntly that Kylo laughs, actually laughs, for the first time in years. _Always so ready to tear things down, scavenger. Tell me, in this fantasy of my gruesome death, what happens next?_

She swallows. _We rebuild._

_How?_

_That won't be for me to decide._

_You don't intend to be involved?_

She says nothing. Kylo stops rowing.

_Rey._

She looks up at him, bewildered and defiant at once. The sun is just beginning to set over the mountains; a corona of pinks and purples begins to bloom in the sky over Rey’s shoulder, and Kylo is so entranced by the vision that he forgets for a moment that she’s not really here.

Only for a moment. _What happens to you after you kill me?_

Silence, but for the lake lapping at the side of the boat.

_The last Jedi has no plans for her future?_

_I'm not a Jedi,_ Rey spits.

Kylo is normally so impatient, but not with Rey. She quiets him in much the same way that the water does. When she realizes he’s not going to speak until she explains herself, she huffs, crosses her arms, as if trying to physically keep her thoughts close to her chest. He hears them anyway. _I can't envision it._

This intrigues him. _Have you tried your hand at seeing into the future? Has the Force shown you anything..._

But she shakes her head. _That's not what I meant._

The two settle into silence again, one far more uncomfortable than the first. Rey won’t meet his eyes, but Kylo tries to catch them anyway. A gentle wind breezes through his hair, blowing it from his face; her hair remains on her shoulders, the ends resting just at her clavicle. She swallows again, and the motion of her throat draws his eyes upward, over the line of her jaw and to her lips, the deep lines set in them from years of the desert’s dry heat cracking and splitting them. Her bright eyes are narrowed, drawing attention to her thin eyelashes, the tears that she stubbornly blinks back, and he feels as though the wind’s been knocked out of him.

“You still cling to our vision,” he whispers aloud. “After all this time.”

Her face turns beet red. _I know how foolish it is,_ she snaps.

“It’s not,” Kylo replies before he can stop himself. He floods her mind with images of her from his memory: circling him like he’s prey as delicate snowflakes melt on her skin from the heat of her fury; the way her chestnut hair lay spread across the white softness of the escape pod she’d come to him in, his grandfather’s lightsaber clutched to her chest like a bouquet of lilies; the relief and pride in her hazel eyes as he catches that same lightsaber, the warm glow of the burning throne room reminiscent of the first touch of their hands…how desperately he’d wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her until his last breath…

“ _How dare you_ ,” she snarls, baring her teeth. He can only watch as Rey rises to her feet, saberstaff now in hand and its dual sapphire beams activated, fully prepared to strike him down despite the thousands of stars that separate them. He'd let her, Force help him, he’d throw it all away and let her run him through if it meant she’d touch him one last time.

But her breath catches in her throat and she whips her head around, panicked, deactivating her saberstaff. She stares off into the middle distance, and in the instant he realizes someone is speaking to her, the Force steals her away.

*

That night, as he’s lying in bed, she appears again, lying beside him. Her eyes are red and puffy, and she flushes deeper upon seeing him, but she doesn’t turn away.

Rey just lies beside him, tears streaming down her face, glaring at him until she disappears.

*

“Supreme Leader, I must ask you when you’ll be returning to Coruscant. The people are growing restless.”

Kylo hardly acknowledges the holo of Hux before him as he lets himself sink deeper into the plush sofa. For half a moment he wonders what it would have been like to grow up here, as Amidala did; little Ben Solo likely would have spent a lot of time curled up on this sofa, had his parents admitted to his true heritage sooner. “The people are growing restless, or _you_ are growing restless?”

The flickering light of Hux’s face turns a deeper shade of blue. Kylo can only imagine what color the real General is turning. “Your place is in your capital, where you can _lead_. You should be here, Ren.” Kylo’s head snaps up at the informal use of his name and the muscles in Hux’s neck tighten. “Supreme Leader.”

Kylo is quiet as he sips his caf. The general is terribly impatient with silence, something Kylo likes to use against him as much as he possibly can.

“Supreme Leader,” Hux begins again, but Kylo holds up a hand to stop him.

“I will be back on Coruscant in three days’ time,” he says, just as all the air seems to leave the room and there is Rey, standing in front of the ancient, full bookcase that claims the whole opposite wall. She hangs on his every word, looking severe.

“That should suffice, General?” Kylo continues, as if the symbol of the Resistance hadn’t just blinked into being fifteen feet away from him.

Hux looks as though he’s going to throw something. He always looks like he’s going to throw something, actually, but never does. Kylo thinks it may do him some good to throw a bit of a tantrum every now and again. The rigidness of his jaw makes his “As you wish, Supreme Leader” sound like little more than a garbled mess of consonants.

Kylo disconnects without another word, but he can’t disconnect from Rey, who watches him warily. “You’re not on Coruscant.”

It isn’t a question. Kylo, therefore, sees no reason to respond.

“Where are you, Kylo?”

He sips at his caf again, ignoring the odd pang of hurt he feels at her using his chosen name again. “Somewhere far more romantic,” he purrs, pride welling up in place of the hurt as Rey’s mouth twitches.

“And where would that be?”

Rey, who almost has more reason to hide the bond than he at this point, has spoken to him aloud for the second time. Kylo gets to his feet, and she stands her ground, but she cocks her head ever so slightly to her right, her eyes following for a fraction of a second.

Frowning, Kylo sets down his caf on the polished hardwood table in front of him. _Someone is listening._

Rey doesn’t back down; she seems to share his opinion on not-quite questions. “Tell me where you are, Kylo Ren.”

Though Leia Organa had never referred to him by his chosen name to his face, the use of it in full gives Rey his mother’s voice – _Kylo Ren, you tell me where you’ve gone this instant_ – and he fights down a blush.

“Who caught you shouting at me?” Kylo asks plainly. “Did someone stumble upon you threatening thin air? They don’t see you like I see you.” He pauses, thinking of her wild beauty, her unfathomable power, how even he felt like nothing under her harsh gaze. A lesser man would have balked and cowered, and all men are lesser than the Supreme Leader. “They feared you, didn’t they?”

She’s undeterred, but he knows by the way she grits her teeth that he’s right. “Kylo. Tell me–“

“It’s beautiful here,” he whispers as he steps closer, close enough that she has to crane her neck to meet his eyes. “Everything a scavenger could dream and more. I can’t blame you for wanting to see for yourself. Or is it me you’re so eager to see?”

Her lip curls in revulsion, and the air leaves the room as quickly as if taken by the vacuum of space itself. When Kylo gets back to his feet, Rey is gone.

*

Varykino is beautiful, but the surrounding mountains are a wonder in and of themselves.

He finds an old dirt path behind the estate, overgrown and littered with leaves, and climbs until the trees become lightly dusted with white, until he can only just see the tiniest of snowflakes falling between the branches. The cold invigorates him, the crisp air nipping at his cheeks and cleansing his lungs with every breath. As with everything, it’s better than he deserves.

He ducks underneath a low-hanging branch, and the thing he deserves least of all appears directly in front of him just as he lifts his head. For a moment, Kylo’s blood flares with rage – if he’s being honest, more for her use of their once so intimate bond against him than anything else – but Ben, ever the scholar, gets to her first.

_Did you sever our connection yourself, before?_

She turns her nose up at him. _You were being a complete kriffing jackass. I’m not sorry._

Neither is Kylo. He's absurdly proud of her. Almost asks her how she did it, a million questions clamoring their way to the forefront of his mind. Kylo reins in all but one.

 _Are you alone?_ he asks.

Rey hesitates, but nods again. _As alone as I can be._

She walks beside him through the woods, occasionally taking odd detours through the trees (sometimes literally _through_ the trees, as if they were nothing) before rejoining him at his side; there must be walls and objects that she needs to navigate where she is. When they reach the cliffside, he stops, and she follows his lead. He would have been taken with the view of Varykino below if he weren’t so distracted by the vision of loveliness beside him.

 _I told your mother about our bond_ , she says, almost apologetic before apparently thinking better of it. _I had to._

He remembers how she’d looked away from him during their last meeting, as if taking instructions. _Naturally._

Rey doesn’t say any more. He doesn't quite know what to make of this.

_Does she say hello?_

It was supposed to be a sarcastic quip, but it comes out so tinged with hope that he growls, furious with himself, and sets his jaw. Rey worries at her bottom lip with her teeth; he has a sudden urge to do the biting himself. The shame that scorches the tips of his ears is thankfully covered by his long hair.

 _No_ , she says carefully. _But she doesn't say goodbye, either_.

*

It’s night on Naboo, pitch-dark and all-encompassing out in the lake country, so far from the bright lights of the capital. The vast smattering of stars above him shines brighter than ever, each one a pinprick of brightness piercing through the deep blue night. He wonders which of them will lead to Rey.

But he doesn’t have to wonder long. The Force blesses him, lets her come to him twice in one day. Always, it gives him far better than he deserves.

She appears out on the water. A siren whose call he couldn’t resist if he tried. Kylo thinks that perhaps she doesn’t notice him at first, absorbed in her own thoughts, but then Rey looks over and regards him with a calm he’s envious of, a calm he’s never known without her.

 _Your mother needs to know where you are, Ben._ A question in her eyes, replaced quickly by steely determination. _There are plans._

 _I am far from the capital,_ he admits, and that is all he will give. _Does the Resistance intend to take it?_

Rey smiles, one of the first genuine smiles she’s given in ages. Kylo burns the image into his memory. _Not if you’re there._

 _Still so afraid of me,_ he scoffs, but he knows the words are wrong even as they leave his mouth. Rey has proven him wrong at every turn and shows no sign of stopping. _Even without me, your ridiculous Falcon won’t even break atmo without being shot down._

_That’s not what I meant._

She moves toward him, then, like he’s not the Supreme Leader of the Galaxy but a wild animal who could be spooked into fleeing at any moment. Rey emerges from the water and steps onto the smooth stones that line the lake.

_Why aren’t you on Coruscant?_

Kylo rests his hands on the rocky shore, takes in the tall, ancient trees all around him, before looking out at the shimmering lake. _I missed the water._

Rey takes a seat beside him. _I miss it, too._

He almost asks her how she can miss something she hardly knows, but he knows the answer to that question the moment he looks in her eyes.

_Still off-world?_

_No thanks to you,_ she retorts, but there’s less fire in it than normal. The promise of victory for the Resistance colors her every word. She wrings her hands, rubbing at her palms with her thumbs, searching for sensation. He recognizes the lonely gesture; he’d done the same so often when he first came to Snoke.

 _You’d love it here,_ Kylo blurts out, and wonders when he got so mind-bendingly stupid. But it’s true, she would. It’s not their ocean, but…

He waits for her fury but it never comes. Instead, Rey squints just a bit, as if trying to see his surroundings for herself. _Would I? How do you know?_

Everything in him is screaming for him to stop talking. Everything except Ben Solo.

 _I’m sitting on the shore of a lake, surrounded by mountains,_ says Ben. _There’s a strip of moonlight, just there –_ he points out to her which way he’s looking, and she follows with her eyes _– stretching all across the water. The wind’s started to pick up and the way the water moves, it’s…_

Ben freezes as he feels something soft connect with his left shoulder. He turns, half afraid of what he’ll see, and finds that Rey has rested her head there, almost nuzzling into his neck. Ben forgets how to breathe.

After a few moments, Rey lifts her head to face him, crinkling her nose. _What? Keep going._

But he can’t, not when she’s so calmly just given him everything he’s ever wanted. With her at his side, he knows why his grandfather took worlds. At the thought of losing her, he knows why his grandmother died.

Ben only barely suppresses the shiver that dances up and down his spine. _I, ah._ He works his jaw around the words, but they won’t come.

 _You’re pathetic, Ben Solo,_ Rey scoffs, and lays her head back down, taking his hand in hers and bringing it to her lips. Loose tendrils of her hair tease at his neck, her soft breath caressing his skin. _Absolutely pathetic._

He wholeheartedly agrees.

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes you just have to get some feelings out of your system.
> 
> ALSO BEN SOLO'S LUSCIOUS LIPS ARE 100% PADME'S. FIGHT ME ON THIS. I DARE YOU.
> 
> Feedback and kudos always appreciated!


End file.
